“Hope alone always has a downside. Hope does not have certainty. It has doubt embedded in it.”
Some of us are sensitive; our souls are on the edge of this material world and on the spiritual (other). We cross the lines here and then, we feel deep and our soul hurts when things are not what they are supposed to be.
How much of a control do we have in our lives? Do we know our purpose or do we really have one?
I believe that we have fair amount of control. We are created with all the necessary faculties and needed tools to explore our full potential as a human being.
In a summer day, July 25th 2008, I was curled up on a small sofa to have a nap in a private intensive care room of the medicine faculty of Black Sea University, Trabzon.
I was taking care of my father, who had a failed liver due to cancer. I knew it was going to end, but still hoped and prayed. I had a single task to be with my father and take care of him. I spent all my time with him in hospital.
When his time came, he took his breath one more time and stopped. There right in front of my eyes. I knew he was gone, but still hoped desperately.
I closed his eyes, hold his hand, hugged and kissed him. Nobody saw me except his floating soul which was eventually free of that incredible pain. When he was in coma, going in and out, I did this many times too. I made sure that he knew I loved him.
Doctor came, examined and declared dead. I stood there, didn’t know what to do…
Life was just a breath, a single breath. 78 years of life gone like that in an instant. It was hard to swallow, hard to accept.
Ten days of taking care of my father thought me many invaluable lessons. I knew him more in that ten days while he was going in and out of coma then my entire life.
He lived a full life, was very active until his last day, successful, wise, respected and loved.
Success comes from good work, simplicity, honesty and dignity. He was very humble man but incredibly well connected. He had many very loyal and good friends. I was receiving condolences from MPs, ministers and many other people from all walks of life I never met and new existed. He was loved by all, even by the people who had opposite political views etc.
He never complained of his illness situation which was unbearable, whoever asked, he always said he was fine even in coma in his last days.
He loved life and nature, never stopped doing projects for public good in the country side, for the city and around. He was very active, a good thinker and followed his projects and plans until his last breath, always had many things to do.
I looked at myself and started to question. What have you done all these years? What do you stand for? What is your legacy? Do you have loyal friends? Are you well connected? Are you loved by all, even people who had problems for one reason or other? Do you have a good family life? Do you have something to live for? Do you live the life you like? Do you have dreams and live your dreams or do you just live other’s dreams?
I went into deep thinking and a mild depression followed. The situation looked grim. I felt I wasted my life away. All the holes in my life stared in my face one by one. It took me long time to get over this self-questioning. But the outcome was good. I made many decisions and still revising my list of goals and moving forward. It is an on-going work with some successes and some failures.
Most of us have our minds trapped in the societal norms and dogmas and will never feel free, never live our lives truly. We will waste our lives for other people’s dreams and thoughts. Most of us never even think to question and ask why do I do this or that?
Very few rise above what is imposed on us and break free. Most just live their lives fearing what will their family, friends and people in general will say, think or do for them. Most of the time they know what is good for them, what they should do but unfortunately unseen, hidden, not talked restrictions prevent them to do so.
Some of us use it as an excuse, some let themselves managed and manipulated by it. At the end, we have a miserable life. Pretend that we are happy, put on a face and just play the game of life. Some of us not even aware of what I talk and write about here.
Our close family and close friends with normal thinking and judging expect good things and success from us. They know us, our ability, experience and all that we have which makes our unique fabric and know what we can easily deliver. Because they have seen us achieving, succeeding all along.
When we are not in sync with our true self and out of our wavelength so to speak, we cannot deliver. We cannot break our shell and reach out to live and deliver our true potential.
We have all the right education, skills and whatever needs to be successful but, we cannot deliver anything. Our souls trapped into a shell, a self-made prison, an unseen shield which prevents us to achieve anything.
This stagnation and frustration causes us a lot of pain, misery and emotional turmoil. Our life comes into a halt, we cannot produce anything, and completed works, projects will not deliver. All seems ok by everyone but they simply will not bring in the success we desire and worked for.
Everybody around us slowly loses their expectations and feels sorry for us. Some give up waiting, some still hope!!! But hope alone always has a downside. Hope does not have certainty. It has doubt embedded in it.
To be certain means you are sure of the outcome. You expect the desired outcome with no doubts. No matter what the situation looks like. And that certainty actually starts to create miracles. It activates the unseen laws of universe that pulls in the intentions and desired results.
It all starts and ends in us, with us. Nothing is external. We need to learn how to focus on the inside.
Sometimes we can see, sense the light and life of magical existence around us and think we need to work our way up to it, in reality, that is not separate from us. We have it in our essence, just need to be aware and take care of it in the best possible way to emerge.
And this is done by using our minds, thinking, following our feelings emotions and taking the right actions. They are our guide and if followed diligently, will bring us to destination.
Author: Isa Alemdag
20th August 2012